What do you do with memecoins? Apparently you collect them, says the SEC

I have no idea if memecoins like dogecoin and fartcoin should be legally defined as securities, and thus come under the purview of securities regulators like the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC). Securities law is confusing. But what I do know is that the SEC's latest notion that memecoins are simply "collectibles" that people buy for "entertainment, social interaction, and cultural purposes" is naive, even dangerous.

Here is the SEC's statement:

Source: SEC

The SEC's wording is dangerous because it effectively whitewashes memecoins into the same relatively benign social-economic bucket as baseball cards, postage stamps, and Roman coinage. Memecoins don't belong there. Dogecoin and its ilk are not collectibles—they belong to the same bin (a much more dangerous bin!) as HYIPs, chain letters, ponzis, bubbles, MLMs, memestocks, lotteries, pump and dumps, and casino games. 

I don't think I'm alone in saying that I'd be okay if my 11-year old kid wanted to carefully build a collection of culturally-significant items they could fuss over after school. Comic books? Pokemon cards? Fossils? Sure, that's all good. But I'd be appalled if they went to a casino to play slots or threw away their allowance for HYIPs and MLMs. By characterizing memecoins as mere collectibles, and not as the gambling/ponzis devices they actually are, the SEC is anointing them as suitable for everyone, including our kids. It's gross that any government agency would do this.

To me the differences between memecoins and collectibles are obvious, but for those still reading, including anyone at the SEC, here's my logic:

Almost no one buys memecoins with the same earnest obsessiveness as a collector. Spend any amount of time in ancient coin collecting forums and you'll see what a true collecting mentality looks like, the immense amounts of sifting, classification, and curation that it entails, and the knowledge of cultural minutiae: "Why is Constantine II facing left on this coin, but facing forward on in this one?" By contrast, dogwifhat, SPX6900, $Trump, Pepe, Shiba Inu and other memecoins don't toggle the same grading and taxonomizing parts of our brains, nor do they invoke our instincts to build complete sets of culturally meaningful items. It's just frenetic buying, selling and number-go-up. And that's because ancient Roman coins and memecoins are fundamentally different economic goods. Memecoins are for the most part pure financial gambles with a facade of culture. Roman coins are cultural objects to the core, with a touch of financialization.

As its justification for classifying memecoins as collectibles, the SEC relies on the fact that memecoins are "inspired by internet memes, characters, current events, or trends." Think Dogecoin's shiba inu theme, or fartcoin's fart meme. This somehow uplifts them into having the status of cultural artifacts.

This is silly. If you read about the history of chain letters, for instance, you'll see that their originators often linked their letters to some sort of theme or meme. Even so, we would never say that chain letters are collectors items. Las Vegas slot machines often have themes (i.e. fruit, El Dorado City of Gold, or ancient Egypt), but let's not fool ourselves: having a theme doesn't transform a slot machine into something other than a slot machine.

No, memecoin buyers—like chain letter participants and slot machine players—want to make money, quickly. Plain and simple. That a get-rich-scheme adopts a meme doesn't redeem or transform that scheme into a collectible. The meme is a mere superficiality that serves to differentiate one gambling machine from another. It's not something that most buyers actually believe in.

I get that the line between collectibles and speculation isn't always clear—sometimes an item can be both. I lived through the early 1990s comic book collecting boom, and I can tell you that things got a little ponzi-ish. When 14-year old me bought all five covers of X-Men #1, I was only 50% motivated by a collector's maniacal desire to complete a set, the other 50% being a gamble on price. However, at the end of the day policy requires us to draw lines and make categories. For the most part, comic books have functioned as collectibles, not gambling, and deserve to be classified as such, and thus regulated as such. As for memecoins, while there are probably a few people who diligently collect sets of memecoins, for the most part they are all gambling and ponzi-ishness. And that's how they should be treated by policy makers—not as mere postage stamps.  

I'm not saying the SEC should be in charge of overseeing memecoins. If the SEC wants to wipe its hands clean of memecoins, that's fine, I guess. Some other agency will have to take charge. But why is the SEC whitewashing memecoins as it is exiting the building? By using its platform to advertise memecoins as mere collectibles, the SEC just made them seem harmless. That's reckless.